Don't be so nasty to my children ...

Sometimes it feels like I have 3 children, not a husband plus 2. Tonight he sent 6yrold to eat in the conservatory because 6yrold was pulling faces about having to eat carrot. The other night he sent 9yrold to his room for picking the burnt/chewy bits off his meal. Then went on and on about him always having to pick something off and leave it. 9yrold is the best eating child I have ever come across, he eats a wide selection of food including vegetables and loves fruit. So back to tonight. I took crying child from the conservatory to his bedroom to calm him down. By this point i didn't even want my tea, and for me to not want a meal is pretty out of character. So I had a cup of tea and waited til 6yrold was calm and wanted to resume eating. We joined husband and 9yrold back at the table and finished our meal. As soon as husband had finished his meal he went up to bed (at 8:30). He's been down for a smoke and has been to the loo, but has he come and talked to me? No. I'm doing my best to leave him in his cave - he doesn't like to be forced to talk. So having got my boys to bed, I'm sitting here on my own wondering whether he will EVER have a good relationship with my kids and whether him being with me is damaging them. They both tell me they hate him cos he is horrible. Always shouting and nasty to them. It's not ALWAYS, but it's frequent enough for them to feel it and for me to worry about it.