The monster within ...
This morning I saw the “monster” the my 7 year old son has been talking about. A friend at work was amused by the story and picture her son brought home the other day. She stopped me outside work to tell me about it.
“S (her son) brought a picture home from school yesterday. It was a picture he had drawn under D’s (my son) instruction. D pulled a face and told S that it was the monster that A (my husband) becomes when he is angry, and that S was to draw it for him.”
My friend innocently thought this was an amusing story, but to me it was a knife in the heart. I managed to rationalise it, put it down to his active imagination and convinced myself that they actually have a lot of fun together.
At Easter, D made me a card. In it the words were along the lines of, “Love you Mum – but please split up with A.” I was furious that the Holiday Club had let him write this, and furious with D’s Dad when I found that he had seen it (and meant to alert me to it) but left it for me to see so that I could deal with it. What happened was – I found the card, said ah look – D’s made us an Easter card and started to read it out. I was upset for my husband that he had to hear it, annoyed with Holiday Club and my ex, and worried that D thought it.
This morning, having sorted CSA forms, found statements, written a letter requesting a variation etc etc, I waited while he spoke to the CSA about it. They asked for a form that we hadn’t completed, I said I’ll find it on the net. He virtually spat the words "I can only listen to one conversation at a time." I then saw that face. That monster. It was that moment that I realised why my children think that my husband doesn’t like them.
At what cost my happiness? Even - am I happy?
“S (her son) brought a picture home from school yesterday. It was a picture he had drawn under D’s (my son) instruction. D pulled a face and told S that it was the monster that A (my husband) becomes when he is angry, and that S was to draw it for him.”
My friend innocently thought this was an amusing story, but to me it was a knife in the heart. I managed to rationalise it, put it down to his active imagination and convinced myself that they actually have a lot of fun together.
At Easter, D made me a card. In it the words were along the lines of, “Love you Mum – but please split up with A.” I was furious that the Holiday Club had let him write this, and furious with D’s Dad when I found that he had seen it (and meant to alert me to it) but left it for me to see so that I could deal with it. What happened was – I found the card, said ah look – D’s made us an Easter card and started to read it out. I was upset for my husband that he had to hear it, annoyed with Holiday Club and my ex, and worried that D thought it.
This morning, having sorted CSA forms, found statements, written a letter requesting a variation etc etc, I waited while he spoke to the CSA about it. They asked for a form that we hadn’t completed, I said I’ll find it on the net. He virtually spat the words "I can only listen to one conversation at a time." I then saw that face. That monster. It was that moment that I realised why my children think that my husband doesn’t like them.
At what cost my happiness? Even - am I happy?
posted by hopalong at 11:17 am
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