Monday, January 23, 2006

Time for a new blog

I already have a blog, which is public, has readers (some but not a huge number) and I share it with my other half - now these are my problems:

1. The readers.

2. My Other Half.

Among my readers are my Husband, my Ex-Husband, my Husband's Ex-Wife, my Husband's children, my Husband's Ex-Wife's Equally Bitter Friends and so on. It's become a forum where I have to watch what I say, and sometimes you just want to have a really good rant and get it off your chest.

Now last year, my Other Half became my Husband. We met on the net, fell in love at first Messenger, he left his wife, kids and home to come and be with me. I was already seperated, had set up home with my boys. Life was good, but I was starting to miss having a man around, and to be quite honest I had become fairly desperate for sex, taking it here and there in far from ideal circumstances. But then came along Husband (which of course he wasn't at the time, he was someone elses).

Last year before we married I had some doubts, and on a very drunk evening almost called it all off. But I didn't and most of the time things are 100% good. But then there are the other times, and this is the reason for the blog. I started this blog in December 2005 after a night out returning drunk and in full arguing mode. I thought it would be good to have a record of all of the 'bad' in our relationship - our other blog containing pretty much all of the good plus a few minor rants. I thought it might help me to consider the relationship, the impact it's having on my kids, my principles, my happiness and ultimately, should there come a time would give me a record of events leading up to a climax.

I can't find/remember-for-the-life-of-me the password for the blog I started in December, so is that first post reproduced and sadly will be added to - I know that already ...

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Don't be so nasty to my children ...

Sometimes it feels like I have 3 children, not a husband plus 2. Tonight he sent 6yrold to eat in the conservatory because 6yrold was pulling faces about having to eat carrot. The other night he sent 9yrold to his room for picking the burnt/chewy bits off his meal. Then went on and on about him always having to pick something off and leave it. 9yrold is the best eating child I have ever come across, he eats a wide selection of food including vegetables and loves fruit. So back to tonight. I took crying child from the conservatory to his bedroom to calm him down. By this point i didn't even want my tea, and for me to not want a meal is pretty out of character. So I had a cup of tea and waited til 6yrold was calm and wanted to resume eating. We joined husband and 9yrold back at the table and finished our meal. As soon as husband had finished his meal he went up to bed (at 8:30). He's been down for a smoke and has been to the loo, but has he come and talked to me? No. I'm doing my best to leave him in his cave - he doesn't like to be forced to talk. So having got my boys to bed, I'm sitting here on my own wondering whether he will EVER have a good relationship with my kids and whether him being with me is damaging them. They both tell me they hate him cos he is horrible. Always shouting and nasty to them. It's not ALWAYS, but it's frequent enough for them to feel it and for me to worry about it.