I'm tired of compromising ...

I've left him a note this morning. Telling him I've had enough of his grumps. I've realised that just about everything I do now I have to first consider whether its going to piss him off. My elder son aged 10 (nearly 11) wanted to buy some chocolate after his swimming lesson with his own money. My 8 yr old turns into a sugar monster if he eats sweets. So, I said to G, "you can if you like, but then D will want some and you know what happens if he has sweets and then A will be pissed off all evening." G said, "ok Mum, I won't have any". He knew it wasn't worth it. I'm feeling incredibly sad realising that he's learnt that at such an early age.

Last weekend we went to visit his children. We also went out with his ex-wife and her husband. It was supposed to be a lovely thing to do. They were fine - the ex and her man, but as soon as I left the table to get my food (it was a buffet), he started having a going at D about not eating enough. He doesn't do the same to his own children. His ex said to me later (when things escalated and I called her in tears) that he never used to be so nasty.

I finished one marriage because the spark had gone. He was a gentle, reasonable man (but by no means perfect). I've compromised far more in this relationship and I've loved much more, much more deeply, but there has to be a line and at this moment (with no alcohol in my system, or fresh hurt from arguments) I have a cold, painful realisation that I would prefer to be on my own.